


I feel it all

by damagederudite



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damagederudite/pseuds/damagederudite
Summary: Soulmate AU where Jeanine can feel what Marcus is doing to Evelyn.
Relationships: Evelyn Johnson-Eaton/Jeanine Matthews, Marcus Eaton/Evelyn Johnson-Eaton
Kudos: 10





	I feel it all

Jeanine Matthews is shocked awake by a sharp pain to her back. She lets out a sound of pain and braces herself forward, putting her head in her hands. Tears begin to fall out of her eyes when it doesn’t stop but rather gets increasingly worse. 

She looks behind her to see that no one is there. She didn’t expect anyone to be, she just had to check. She had been to the doctor and they found nothing wrong with her. The check up left her with only one possible conclusion, it is what her soulmate was feeling. 

Jeanine used to convince herself that she didn’t have a soulmate, just having causal sex with any girl that seemed down with the idea. She never found a connection with any of them and it only strengthened her belief that she didn’t have one. Who else could it be when she felt like she had slept with every woman interested in women in Erudite? 

The recent pains have become a rude awakening for her and have confused her greatly. She doesn’t understand who this woman could be. A close male coworker of her’s had said that perhaps they are a man and she had just been wrong. To which she told him to fuck off. Jeanine certainly doesn’t like being belittled or told that she is ‘confused’, no matter how confused she may currently be.

She braces herself for another ten minutes as the pain keeps coming and blinks back tears. She can’t help but feel absolutely awful for whoever her soulmate is. She feels sick that they have to go through this so regularly. 

When it finally stops, she pulls herself out of bed and goes into the bathroom. She lets out a small gasp when she turns around and sees how red her back is. No permanent scars and cuts stay with her but she still gets marks briefly. Jeanine can’t even begin to imagine how many scars the other woman must be having to hide and is so grateful for how it works. It’s selfish, she knows, but she can’t help but feel glad. 

Saying that, she does wish that she could take the pain away from her. Whether she would take it on for herself is something that she is yet to discover. She doesn’t know who they are.

She winces as she rubs ointment over her back to try and avoid too much pain the next day. 

When she pulls the covers back over herself, she tries to make her busy mind go blank. She tries to forget the upcoming meeting and, especially, how her back stings. She doesn’t do a very good job, for as she drifts off to sleep, she sees a faceless woman being hit over and over again. It’s horrid.

-

Jeanine wakes up at 5am like always. She attempts to ignore the stinging in her back and climbs out of her comfortable bed. She makes her way to the bathroom and has a brief shower which only causes her even more pain. She lets out a single tear when she steps out and looks at herself in the mirror, of course her soulmate is in pain. She is destined to be hurt and to hurt everyone around her. She can’t help but feel like she is somehow responsible.

She dries her hair and allows it to frame her face, almost hitting her shoulders. She attempts to stop her hands from shaking as she applies her usual makeup. The pain and guilt is getting too much for her. Not knowing is killing her too. She needs to know who they are, if not to pursue a relationship, then to simply help. She needs to stop this poor woman from being in pain. It strikes her as domestic abuse and she can’t even imagine how afraid she must be. She also can’t help but think that maybe the pain is because who she is with isn’t her soulmate. That they are angry about it. 

She gets changed into a light blue blouse and navy blue pencil skirt before grabbing her bags, putting on her shoes and exiting the apartment. 

Her heels tap as she approaches her usual coffee stand and purchase a double shot espresso, desperately needing the caffeine. She always needs coffee in the morning but last night was just so draining. Thoughts of how her soulmate must be feeling fill her mind again but she attempts to suppress them.

She makes her way to her office and is greeted by her assistant. “Morning Jeanine.” she greets her, sipping her own coffee and typing up an email.

“Morning Erin.” Jeanine grumbles, entering her office and falling into her chair.

Erin senses that something is up and follows her into the glass walled office. She takes a seat in front of Jeanine’s steel desk and crosses one leg over the other. “What happened?” she asks. Erin is aware that Jeanine has been getting these pains but wants to believe that her mood is to do with something else. She likes Jeanine and is crushed every time she is reminded that they are not soulmates. Her soulmate is an insufferable prick who enjoys scratching their arm at silly hours in the morning to wake her up. If she ever finds who they are, she will slap the hell out of them. 

“The usual.” Jeanine mutters, almost spilling her coffee.

“Woah. Careful.” 

“I was up all night.” Jeanine puts her face in her hands and lets out a small sound of annoyance. 

“Rough.” Erin comments, immediately hating how she worded it. She doesn’t really know what to say when things like this happen. She has the mix of jealousy and just complete confusion. Neither of them have any idea who this woman could be. “Well, you have that meeting soon. Maybe she is an Abnegation.” Erin jokes before standing up and leaving Jeanine and her coffee on her own. 

“Don’t even joke about that!” Jeanine shouts after her and Erin chuckles lightly. 

The possibility briefly crosses Jeanine’s mind but she doesn’t let herself think about it. Her soulmate can’t possibly be an Abnegation. Although, that would be her kind of luck. 

-

Jeanine taps her pen against the glass table out of annoyance, stress and boredom. She hates council meetings for all of the above reasons. She completely zones out of what Marcus is saying, fully aware that it’s nothing that he hasn’t already emailed. Well the important stuff is nothing that he hasn’t already emailed. For some reason, he needs more money to help the factionless. Jeanine had to stop a laugh from escaping her lips when she read it, it’s quite possibly the stupidest thing he has ever said. Surely it’s obvious to everyone that the money is for him, probably so he can get into those underground strip clubs that some Dauntless members run.

“And that concludes the meeting.” Marcus finishes.

“Oh thank God.” Jeanine hears someone whisper, she can’t help but agree.

She watches as his wife attempts to stand. Jeanine and her had a little bit of contact in school but never for very long. Her name is Evelyn Johnson-Eaton. Evelyn winces slightly when she stands and Jeanine raises an eyebrow. 

It’s certainly suspicious but Jeanine attempts to remind herself that it could mean nothing. 

-

It’s two months later when she sees Evelyn again and the pain has only gotten worse. Max is doing a speech, another thing she doesn’t need to listen to since she literally wrote it for him. 

Deciding that she has little else to do, Jeanine’s grey eyes begin to rake over the top half of Evelyn’s body. She looks for any sign of scars or marks. Even if Evelyn isn’t her soulmate, she doesn’t like the idea of Marcus hurting her.

Evelyn squirms uncomfortably and Jeanine quickly tears her eyes away, not wanting to give herself away or make Evelyn nervous. 

When Evelyn is distracted once again. She allows her eyes to search her body again. She has to stop herself from gasping when she sees a small scar on Evelyn’s arm. The grey fabric is pulling away and leaving the very top of her arm slightly exposed. 

She feels slightly bad but wishes to test her theory so she picks up her pen and stabs herself in the hand under the table. Evelyn lets out a small sound of pain that was luckily quite enough for only Jeanine to notice.

Jeanine smiles to herself. She found her.

-

The next two months, Jeanine can’t think straight. Ironic choice of words really. All she thinks about before she sleeps is Evelyn. She can picture her face in pain when she feels the sharp lashes at night. She can’t think of Abnegation without wanting to vomit, they are allowing this abuser to lead them. 

After a week of pondering the move, she pulls Evelyn aside at the end of the council meeting.

“Jeanine? How can I help you?” Evelyn asks, her voice sounding sweet as ever. Jeanine is stunned by how beautiful she has become. She was always attractive to Jeanine in school, perhaps that’s why Jeanine didn’t let herself speak to her, but she had truly aged like fine wine. At thirty years old, Evelyn is stunning - even in Abnegation.

“I want to umm....” Jeanine truly has no idea what to say. “Talk to you.”

“What about?” Evelyn’s eyebrows knit together in concern.

“M-Marcus.” Jeanine barely manages to get his name out.

Evelyn’s breathing quickens and her chest becomes tight. “Oh?” She tries to appear unaffected. “What about him?”

Jeanine looks down at her shoes, having absolutely no idea what to do now. An idea springs to mind and she does it without even thinking, something very odd for her logical lifestyle. She digs her nails into her own arm and watches as Evelyn’s face contorts into a pained expression. 

When Jeanine stops, Evelyn's eyes widen in realisation. “Oh my…” Evelyn whispers. “Are you?”

Jeanine nods, “You know I feel everything so you don’t have to lie to me.”

Evelyn looks away. “I’m sorry.” she says quietly.

“What for?”

“The pain.”

“Why would you apologise for that? Oh my God Evelyn, what he is doing is horrible and you really don’t need to apologise to me. I can help… Let me help?”

“You can’t help.”

“I can try?” Jeanine offers.

“People will ask how you know… I can become factionless for liking women Jeanine. Not to mention what Marcus would do to you if he found out you are my soulmate. He has been so angry about my soulmate not being him.”

“I know… I will figure something out. Please let me try.” Jeanine doesn’t care what Marcus will do to her, she has to stop him. He has already hurt her. She isn’t afraid of him. 

“I know you want to help but I honestly don't think you can.” A lone tear is now slowly falling down her tanned cheek. Jeanine wipes it away but the action only causes more to fall. She wraps her arms around a shaking Evelyn and pulls her close. Evelyn sobs into her shoulder. 

When she pulls back , her face is tear stained but determined. “Do what you have to do.” she tells Jeanine.

“You mean that?!” Jeanine asks for confirmation, shocked by Evelyn’s change of attitude. 

Evelyn nods. The next thing she does, neither are expecting. She leans in and plants a soft kiss on Jeanine’s lips. “For me and you.” she whispers, touching their foreheads together. 

Jeanine smiles and blinks back tears, “Okay.” 

-

Jeanine leaves it a few weeks, gathering evidence and collecting herself. The pain continues the entire time and she finds herself hugging her pillow and sobbing into it every time, almost as though it is Evelyn. The kiss has stayed with her the whole time. She knows that they can never be anything but that one kiss was enough. She will help Evelyn and that’s all that needs to be done. That’s all she needs to feel complete, no matter how much she wishes to be in Evelyn’s arms or vice versa. 

The Erudite leader slams a folder containing pictures of Evelyn’s scars and other bits of evidence she has collected from security tapes when she has looked afraid of him or he has been slightly more aggressive. “Lay another finger on Evelyn and I will kill you.” she seethes.

Marcus opens the folder and flicks through it, appearing completely uninterested. “What’s it to you?” he questions, sounding bored.

“I’m the one you have been angry at.” Jeanine smirks slightly. 

“You’re…?” Marcus says in disbelief.

“That belt of your’s hurts like a bitch.” Jeanine confirms his theory. 

“Hmm.”

“So Mr Eaton,” Jeanine crosses her arms across her chest and glares when Marcus attempts to look above where her arms are covering. “You better treat Evelyn with some fucking respect or everyone knows and I kill you myself.” 

“You’re bluffing.”

“Try me.” 

Marcus goes silent and Jeanine exits the office. She lets out a small squeal. Months of pain should finally be over, for her and Evelyn.

She spots Evelyn sitting on a bench with her toddler and she approaches them. 

“Did you?”

Jeanine nods, a broad smile appearing on her face.

Evelyn smiles back. “I love you.” she mouths.

“I love you too.” And with that, Jeanine walks out. Her and Evelyn may not be able to live happily after together but at least she should be able to sleep at night. They know they feel the same way but sometimes things just aren't meant to be. As long as Evelyn is safe and happy, Jeanine can live with that.


End file.
